Border Security - a Parody

The greatest threat to the security of the United States does not involve its southern border.  The threat is neither created nor exacerbated by drug traffickers from Mexico, or refugees from Central America.  The preeminent threat to our safety involves our border with Canada.  That over-2000-mile perimeter is the longest unguarded frontier in the world.

But that must change.  According to the Department of Homeland Security, more Canadians overstay their visas than do all other nationalities.  So, if we are to preclude rampant metric-system measurements, if we are to avoid having kilograms and kilometers foisted upon us, if we are to be able to continue to purchase cheese curls rather than the batonnetes de fromage I had to buy at Sobey's in Halifax, we must force obstructionist  Republicans to focus on our northern border.